Turns out it really might be about them, not you. Introducing Health's new column, But Why? Here, psych experts decipher the reasons behind the most puzzling human behavior mysteries. No judgment. I was certain that our love would be forever, so when I walked in on him making out with some dude from work who also had a boyfriend, so what gives, man?
We've Got Answers. You can guess how that worked out by my searches during the next few months. A cheater or a dictator with the murder of thousands on his conscience? In my pain, I had decided that the man who cheated on me was evil, dark-hearted, a pox upon all the houses not just those found in Verona.
Turns out my black and white view of infidelity wasn't the most honest way to look at it, sex therapist Vanessa Marin tells me. There are plenty of really great, wonderful people who cheat as well. People do bad things. In fact, approximately 16 percent of married women and men admit to having been unfaithful, according to a report from the Institute for Family Studies. So, what can you do to avoid having your heart broken?
Well, the first step is learning the signs that your partner is at least thinking about cheating on you. For instance, you'll want to be careful if they're getting overly curious about when you'll be home. And if they ever ask you about your thoughts on cheating, then you know infidelity is on their mind.
Here are 33 tips from relationship experts on some common things people will say if they want to cheat or if they already are. If your partner ever says something like this, then you should consider that it's something they're genuinely thinking about doing, or at least that they're not happy in the relationship currently. If your partner has had the same haircut for a decade but comes home one day with a bold new 'do, this could "indicate an effort to impress another person," says Jonathan Bennett , a certified counselor and co-owner of Double Trust Dating , an online and in-person dating service.
And it's not just a new haircut you should be on the lookout for. Any big changes in appearance, like " losing weight , buying new clothes, or starting to wear makeup more often," could be subtle signs of cheating, according to Bennett. A person in a committed relationship should be able to tell you where their partner is when they aren't with them.
However, someone who's on the verge of cheating intentionally or otherwise will stop checking in with their spouse or significant other, if only to try to forget that they have one in the first place. And for ways to tell that your marriage or relationship is beyond repair, read up on the The No. Your partner used to text you every hour on the hour, but now they're using "too much work" as an excuse to be MIA all day.
If this sounds familiar, then be careful: It could be one of the red flags that infidelity is on the horizon. Of course, this doesn't apply to cheating in the traditional sense, but refers more to emotional cheating or overstepping the boundary between friendship and something more. If you want your partner to stay faithful, it is essential that you sit down with them and clarify precisely what "cheating" entails.
Some spouses just want to know when their husband or wife is coming home because they miss them and can't wait to see them. Less honorable spouses, however, could be checking in because they want to know how much time they have to sneak around, or to explore the idea of being with someone else through dating apps or online chat rooms.
If your significant other is looking to spice things up in the bedroom , it could be an indication that they find the current situation to be lackluster and unsatisfactory. And while it's good that they're still trying to salvage the relationship you have, this could also be a sign that your partner is considering finding satisfaction elsewhere.
And for more interesting dating advice, sign up for our daily newsletter. Again, your partner trying new things in bed isn't necessarily a bad thing. But if they're suddenly showing up in the bedroom with moves you've never seen before, you may want to question what—or who—is giving them these ideas. A person's insecurities can interfere with their relationships in many major ways. Not only will an insecure person question whether they're worthy of being in a relationship and create problems that don't exist, but often times they will also seek validation in other places, including by cheating.
If you feel betrayed, the period post-affair can be a low point — particularly if you discover the cheating after a long period of lying, Oliver says. You may feel more atonement than regret. Moving forward, it may be good to set expectations of what infidelity means for you both. And healing is possible. Boundaries aren't rules, let's start there. See what principles are healthful and needed for a rock-solid relationship. You two aren't the only ones; trust us. See what problems are common in marriage communication, plus how to resolve them, starting today.
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